I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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