After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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