I heard we made out
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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