The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I wear drunk well.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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