So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize