you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize