my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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