I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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