I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
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Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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