Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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