I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The power of my boobs compel you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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