just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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