The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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