sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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