So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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