you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize