Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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