Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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