Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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