so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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