The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need a beard to bite.
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