Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize