Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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