can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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