he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize