saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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