the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize