apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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