it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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