I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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