Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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