dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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