you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize