Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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