Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who died my cat blue again?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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