The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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