Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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