So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize