a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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