Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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