At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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