I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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