I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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