my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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