oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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