Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would photoshop your dick
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize