Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize