What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I could have mohawked her pubes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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