I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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