I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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